


The Mysterious Case of Ghost Hunt UK

by ratatat



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Spookiness, Elias Bouchard Bashing, Elias Hate, Eventual Fluff, F/F, M/M, Mature rating is for the swears, None of the angst or pain though, Rating May Change, it's a buzzfeed unsolved au, jon is a dick at first but he comes around, or at least not as much as canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27294862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratatat/pseuds/ratatat
Summary: Melanie King and Jonathan Sims are the co hosts of Ghost Hunt UK, a YouTube series about supernatural happenings and experiences around England. The only problem is that they absolutely hate each other's guts. Jon spends every waking moment trying to convince Melanie that her ideas are wrong or flat out lies, and Melanie is convinced that Jon is a kill joy hellbent on taking the fun out of ghosts and paranormal activity. Elias is too busy worrying about ratings to actually get them to get along (or replace one of them), and Martin's just trying to keep them from killing each other.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	1. Everyone Hates Their Job

To most people who work on the show Ghost Hunt UK, it would seem like Jonathan Sims hates his job. The man is always tired, always grumpy, and quick to dismiss anything his co-star Melanie King has to say about haunted places in the UK. For someone who works on a show about researching supernatural sightings and places, he seems far too adamant about the fact that ghosts don’t actually exist. 

Despite his condescending nature and irritability, there was something about him that Martin found oddly charming. It was probably, if Martin was honest with himself, the fact that he always showed up to work dressed like a stuffy English professor who was about to lecture about why he hated John Milton for the next hour and a half. Or maybe it was the fact that Jon knew what he was talking about, and even though he snapped at Melanie too often and was rather annoying about it, he always made good points that Martin couldn’t deny. 

Like now, while Martin was busy filming an argument between the two while they yelled about bright yellow doors and men with long spiky hands. 

“Melanie, you cannot _possibly_ believe that this is anything more than a, a hallucination or a bad drug trip!” Jon sighs and runs his hands through his hair for what Martin thinks is the fourth time in the past two minutes. 

“Of course I’m not saying that, we already talked about how it’s possible that Richardson might have had a spiked cookie or something. I’m just _saying_ that this might have something to do with some weird monster creature!” Melanie glares at him, and Martin is suddenly glad he’s only behind the camera. Jon, however, doesn’t seem frightened, and glares right back. 

“A ‘weird monster creature’,” he says dryly, and _oh no_ , that’s not a good voice at all. Martin knows that voice. Any minute now Melanie is going to start yelling for real, call Jon a condescending asshole, and Mr. Bouchard will have to step in, and Martin will have to make everyone some tea to cool down. 

“Jon, there’s weirder things in this world than some creature who uses doors to get around and has some, some ‘spiky hands’ and a ‘distorted voice’ and whatnot!”

“Such as?” Jon arches an eyebrow and Martin only hates himself a little for how that makes the butterflies in Martin’s stomach go wild. Jon’s a bit of an asshole, yes, but he’s also an _attractive_ asshole, and is it really Martin’s fault for “smart attractive man who might have a bit of a mean streak and is definitely out of his league” being his type?

“Well I-I-I don’t know, but there’s weirder things! This is entirely plausible! We’ve got multiple records of this creature and-”

“We also have multiple records of people getting high together and experiencing the same dream. What else is there to this case?”

Melanie slams her hands on the desk, making Martin jump, and twists her body to face Jon, sticking a finger in his face. “Listen here, you fucking asshole, I didn’t spend three weeks researching this for you to come in here and say-”

“CUT!” Mr. Bouchard yells. Melanie immediately quiets, but she’s still glaring at Jon like she’s about to reach over and strangle him at a moment’s notice. 

“Ms. King,” Mr. Bouchard says, “It would do you some good to not be so… explosive in the future. Fighting with Jon is fine, but anything over playful arguments makes the ratings go down. You don’t want the audience to think you actually hate each other, do you?”

“But we do hate each other,” Melanie and Jon say in unison, before turning back to each other and yelling again.

“How do you think a door leads to an eldritch being?”

“How do _you_ think this is just some stupid drug trip gone wrong?”

“Because that’s _all this is_ , Melanie-”

“Then how did Richardson end up in a field three days after being locked in a hallway of doors?!”

“How am I supposed to know, I’ve never done drugs!”

“Maybe you should, some weed could get you to loosen up a little!”

“That is _enough_!,” Mr. Bouchard says, and Martin gets the same feeling in his stomach that he used to get when the teacher lectured the whole class about doing something they weren’t supposed to, even though he had nothing to do with it. 

Melanie and Jon seem to feel the same way, as they stop arguing and stare at the desk instead, as if it will make Bouchard’s incoming lecture any more bearable. 

“I understand you have different viewpoints about the supernatural, but you _cannot_ continue arguing like this. The audience has to believe that you actually _like_ each other, or else this whole project goes up in smoke. And you don’t want that, do you?”

“No,” Melanie and Jon sigh. 

“Good. Now I suggest you take a break, have some tea, and come back here in about half an hour. And please, try not to kill each other.”

“No promises,” Melanie spares on last glare at Jon before going off to the break room. 

“I’ll, um, I’ll go make you some tea,” Martin says to no one as he scuttles off after Melanie. 

* * *

“God what a fucking- thank you, Martin- what a fucking asshole!” Melanie says when Martin brings her some tea. 

“He’s- yeah. He’s a bit difficult sometimes.” 

“A bit?” Melanie says incredulously. “He’s the worst! I don’t understand how anyone puts up with him!”

“I-” Martin wants to defend Jon, he really does, but Jon makes it so hard when he’s being a bit of a dick. “Maybe he’s going through a rough time at home or something. And he’s taking it out on you. That’s not fair, I know, but maybe he’ll warm up to you eventually.”

Melanie takes a rather aggressive sip of tea, not even wincing at the heat. “So? I’ve been through hard times, and I never took it out on anyone.” Considering Melanie’s personality, Martin really doubts that’s the case, but doesn’t push it. 

“I just- I don’t know. I think he’s a nice person, really, he just… struggles with it, sometimes.” Martin says. “And even you have to acknowledge that bright yellow doors appearing out of nowhere and leading people into some weird spooky hallways is a bit far fetched.”

Melanie sighs. “I know, and if I’m being honest, I don’t really believe it myself.” She turns to glare at Martin. “If you tell Jon I said that I’m going to kill you.”

“I won’t,” he promises, holding up his hands as a gesture of innocence. Melanie chuckles, taking another sip of tea. 

“This is supposed to be fun,” she mutters into her cup. “I know it’s all probably far fetched, but c'mon. Mysterious doors are fun, even if it’s not real. I just want to chill out and talk about spooky stuff and Jon’s obsessed with pointing out how fake everything is.”

Martin sighs. He wishes he knew how to get Jon to loosen up just a little. “Maybe it’s Mr. Bouchard that’s stressing him out or something. He’s really getting on our case about profits and ratings and all that”

Melanie groans, but there’s more humor in her voice than genuine complaint. “Don't even get me _started_ on Elias. It’s always ‘ratings this’ and ratings that’! What about cool stuff? What if I want to talk about trolls under bridges for an episode? What if I don’t care about ratings?”

Martin laughs. “You’re not actually considering talking about troll bridges, are you?”

“I’d do it purely to watch Jon blow up in sheer rage,” she grins, finishing her tea and putting the cup in the sink.

Martin feels conflicted about wanting to laugh at the idea of Jon fighting with Melanie about troll bridges and not wanting Jon to die of rising blood pressure. 

* * *

Jon sighs, putting his face in his hands. It’s rather humiliating, fighting with your coworker, getting yelled at by your boss, and then hiding in the bathroom so you don’t have to face either of them in the breakroom, but Jon refuses to apologize. It’s not his fault Melanie insists on talking about the weirdest, least likely cases of supernatural happenings. He can’t just let random people out there think that bright yellow doors and creepy hallways are a real phenomenon, even if it makes their ratings blow up. Whatever those ratings even are (Elias refuses to show them to him, just insisting that the ratings are nowhere where they should be. Jon doesn’t know enough about the business side of the show to refute him). 

Right. Well, he’ll have to face Melanie at some point. And Elias. And the cameraman, whatever his name is. Mark? Matthew? Something like that. Jon only recognizes him because he always gets so nervous around Jon and Melanie. He once even dropped a (thankfully empty) mug when Jon entered the breakroom. Surely Jon can’t be _that_ intimidating. 

Jon is just washing his hands when the door opens. 

“Oh! Jon!” It’s Matteo. Miles. Whatever the name of the cameraman is. “I was just looking for you. Elias says he wants to try again. He-he told me to tell you to not be so….”

“Mean spirited?” Jon says without looking up from the sink.

“Aggressive,” the man replies. “I-I get it. Sometimes Melanie talks about… weird things. But just pretend that it’s, yknow, worth inspecting-”

“Magic yellow doors and people with knives for hands don’t exist,” Jon snaps, finally looking at the man. Oh. Martin (is that his name?) shrinks a little under Jon’s scrutiny. Crap. Jon didn’t mean to make him feel _bad_ , it’s just that- that- that those kinds of things don’t exist and he’s tired of people pretending that they do. 

“I-” Jon tries to apologize. He’s not sure what to say, though, he doesn’t even know the man’s name. “I should get back to work,” is what he says instead. 

“Y-yeah. That’s what I came in here for, after all,” the man chuckles, clearly trying to hide his hurt. Jon sighs. 

“See you on set?” the man tries, smiling nervously. Why is he trying to extend an olive branch when Jon was the mean one? Does he think Jon is stupid and he’s just pitying him? Jon doesn’t _need_ anyone’s pity, he doesn’t _need_ this person to come in and try to get him to be civil with someone like Melanie who clearly doesn’t care about being honest and just wants to tout out whatever sensationalist nonsense will get their videos to hit millions of views. 

“Yes,” Jon says curtly, and pretends he doesn’t see the man wince as he makes his way out of the bathroom, ready to face off with Melanie once again. 

He sighs again. This is really turning out to be a shit day. 


	2. Cemeteries and Headstones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes out to investigate the case of Naomi Herne. Of course it goes wrong.

“Alright team, here’s the plan,” Melanie says over breakfast at some diner, nursing a glass of orange juice, “Me and Tim and Sasha go out to the cemetery to get some good footage and do a brief overview of what we know about Ms. Herne’s experience, while Jon and Martin go to her house to get a more in depth interview. This should only take a few hours, so we’ll meet back here at noon to look over the footage. Sound good?”

Tim nods, surprisingly awake despite sleeping the entire van ride over to the location of a new potential episode. Sasha gives a thumbs up while taking a sip of her coffee. Martin’s busy looking at his plate of eggs, a small blush on his face. Jon, as always, looks unamused, his face pinched like he’s smelled something rather disgusting. 

“I just want to say that I think-,” Jon starts.

“Yes, yes, you think this is a load of horseshit. We know. You complained about it the entire way here,” Melanie shoots back. Jon glares at her, and she can tell that they’re about to start another argument. 

“Okay,” Tim interrupts, clearly not in the mood for another argument. “Ms. Herne said that you guys should be there at around ten, right? It’s only 9 right now, so maybe you should take some time to, yknow, get all your aggression out before you pick apart her argument.”

“I don’t- that’s not what I-” Jon sputters, then sighs. “Alright. I’ll.. try my best to not be so…”

“Mean?” Tim suggests. 

Jon scowls. “Sure. Mean. I won’t be mean.”

Tim smiles and claps his hand on Jon’s shoulder. “That’s the spirit, Boss Man! We’re going to have fun, or as much fun as you can have with a widow. Elias will be thrilled we got some proper spooky stuff!”

“I’m not your boss,” Jon says. “And nothing about this is spooky.”

Tim takes a long slurp of his coffee. “Mmmhhmmm, sure thing Boss Man. Being stuck in a cemetery that goes on forever sure isn’t spooky in the slightest.”

Melanie is really starting to envy the way Tim can poke fun at Jon without him blowing up. Maybe she should ask him how he does it. Yeah, Jon’s a dick, but it would really be nice to not be at each other’s throats so much. This is supposed to be  _ fun _ , for Christ’s sake! How is she supposed to enjoy supernatural investigations when her partner insists on shoving a massive No Fun Allowed stick up his ass? It would also be nice if she could get Tim to force Jon to not keep shooting down her ideas like they’re completely meaningless… 

“It’s not,” Jon insists. “There’s nothing about this that’s supernatural! It’s just some poor woman who's grieving for her dead fiance and had some grief filled hallucination!”

Nevermind. Jon’s a prick.

“Actually, what Ms. Herne is describing  _ does _ have some backing to it,” Melanie says. “I’ve been researching some of the stuff she talks about and there’s a few similar accounts-”

“So, a couple more people who are so lost in grief that they lose their minds a little,” Jon sneers. “That means nothing other than the fact that our society isn’t built to handle grief and loss properly.” 

“Oh yeah? And what research have you come up with? Do you even  _ do _ any research, because it feels like I’m the only one who’s pulling any weight here!”

“Of course I’ve done research! That’s my job, isn’t it? I’m the one who’s going to interview her later today instead of going around and getting shots of some cemetery in the hopes of scaring impressionable viewers,” Jon glares at her and takes a sip of his tea.

“‘Scaring viewers?!” Melanie cries. “It actually takes a lot of effort to balance out the writing between being scary and being factual! Of course my job is to scare people, being lost in a cemetery is pretty scary, don’t you think? The real trouble comes from trying to be sensitive to Ms. Herne’s situation while also showing how frightening it must have been to be in her shoes!”

“Can you both stop?” Sasha asks. “We’re going to get kicked out of the diner if you guys keep going at each other’s throats like this!”

“Fine,” Melanie grits out. Jon mumbles something resembling a “sorry” and turning back to his plate of toast (who just gets toast at a diner?).

“So!” Sasha claps her hands together, a strained smile on her lips. Melanie feels a bit bad for forcing them all to suffer through her and Jon’s arguments. “To sum up- Jon and Martin go to Ms. Herne’s, you, me, and Tim to the cemetery. Jon and Martin, you guys should take the van, she lives a bit far. We can walk over, it won’t take too long.”

Jon nods and Martin gives a weak thumbs up, his face blushing. Melanie wonders if it’s because he’ll be alone with Jon or if he’s stressed from their argument. Probably both. 

“We should, uh, probably get going now,” Martin says. “We don’t want to be late.”

“Fine,” Jon stands up from the booth. 

“Jon,  _ please _ promise us that you won’t be too hard on Ms. Herne?” Sasha asks. 

Jon sighs. “I promise.”

  
  


* * *

Jon did not, in fact, keep his promise. 

“I’m just saying, I think counseling will help,” Jon insisted. 

“But it happened! I have the headstone to prove it!” Naomi Herne gestured to the stone slab on the table. Martin wasn’t an expert on graveyard headstones, but it seemed real. It was cracked and weathered down with age, and while Martin wasn’t sure where he stood on things like what Ms. Herne described as real, he still wasn’t going to chance his luck and touch it. 

“You may have just as well cracked a piece of stone off of a very old headstone,” Jon said. “This doesn’t prove anything.”

Ms. Herne looked incredibly frustrated and Martin was starting to worry that she was going to kick them out. 

“Jon, a word?” Jon and Ms. Herne turned to look at him, surprised. He’s pretty sure those were the first words he’s spoken since an obligatory “Hello, I’m Martin Blackwood, the cameraman.”

Jon follows Martin into the hallway. 

“Look, I know I promised Sasha I’d try, but I just-” Jon sighs. “We don’t have any proof that this is real.”

“I mean, there is a literal headstone on her coffee table,” Martin chuckles. The laughter dies in his throat when Jon glares at him. His stomach drops slightly. Why does he have to have a crush on a man who hates him?

“Martin,” Jon says, and  _ oh _ does Martin  _ hate _ the way Jon says his name. “This woman is clearly grief stricken. I’m not going to use her grief for- for free internet points.”

“She asked us to come here, though,” Martin points out. “Maybe this is her own way of coping. Getting it off her chest, yknow?”

Martin has to admit, Jon may be a little bit of an asshole, but at least his heart seems to be in the right place. There’s something honorable, Martin supposes, about not wanting to film a woman’s grief for your own monetary gain. Jon’s just going around it the wrong way. 

It’s moments like these, few and far in between, that Martin realizes that Jon is trying. In his own strange way, he’s trying. He just needs some guidance. Someone to tell him that his heart is in the right place but his approach needs some work. 

And yeah, he and Melanie may have their differences, but there’s nothing wrong with being a skeptic. Martin doesn’t know much about Mr. Bouchard, but he does know that he has a flair for the dramatic. The editing team complains about him asking them to edit down interviews and investigations to imply that something wrong or supernatural happened when it was really just a crow flying overhead . He knows Melanie hates it too, that she just wants an honest version of paranormal field work. Martin remembers how angry she was when Mr. Bouchard shot down her idea of going up to Scotland for some mythology research. He said it wasn’t worth the money and said that the ratings would tank, while all Melanie really wanted to do was dig into Scottish mythology and lore. Someone like Jon, who refuses to see the paranormal as entertainment and something to profit off of, is kind of a breath of fresh air. 

“Perhaps,” Jon says, jerking Martin out of his thoughts. 

“Look, Jon, I get that you feel uncomfortable about filming a woman that’s sad about her fiance dying. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s good, actually! That’s not a bad thing at all. But there’s a difference between me filming her sobbing hysterically on her couch while she talks about her experience and her just… talking about it. Grief works in weird ways. Just… lay off her a little, alright?”

“I just…,” Jon sighs. “I don’t want to- to exploit her. Or her grief. If you- if she starts crying, can you make a note to edit it out? Or get Melanie to narrate that part instead?”

“Yeah, of course,” Martin says softly. Jon really did care. “You should still apologize to her, though.”

“Yes, I suppose I should.” Jon adjusts his tie- because of  _ course _ he wears ties, Martin thinks, why wouldn’t he?- and heads back into the living room. 

* * *

  
  


Melanie quite likes Sasha. She’s funny and kind and one of the few people at Ghost Hunt UK she can have more than a brief five minute conversation with. She’s also not Jon, so that’s a plus. 

“I just don’t understand him!” Melanie says as they walk up a hill. “If he doesn’t believe in the supernatural why is he on a YouTube show that  _ talks _ about the supernatural?”

“I honestly have no clue,” Sasha says, struggling to keep up with Melanie’s fast pace with her camera. Tim’s stopped trying to catch up with them a while ago, hanging at the back with no intention of jogging to catch back up. “In my opinion? I think he’s just stressed.”   
  


“What’s there to be stressed about? He gets to analyze cool ghost stories for a living, seems like a pretty good job to me.”

“We used to work together before he started Ghost Hunt with you. I think the job promotion and Elias breathing down his neck is making him more…”

“Annoying?” Melanie supplies.

“Anxious and easy to annoy.”

“Can you guys slow down!” Tim calls from behind them. “I can barely keep up! I’m carrying most of the equipment too!”

“Tim, I’m the one holding the cameras,” Sasha says when they stop. “You’ve got, what, some sound equipment?”

“Actually, it’s an extra camera, a mic, and the editing laptop.”

“Why did you bring the editing laptop to the cemetery?” Sasha asks.

Tim grins. “Don’t you think editing footage in a creepy old cemetery will add to the spookiness of it all? There’s a word for that, it’s like method acting.”

“Tim, are you saying you want to edit footage in a creepy graveyard for-for-  _ method editing _ ?” Sasha laughs. 

Tim snaps his fingers. “Bingo! How are we supposed to know if something’s properly scary if we’re locked away in some office with some old Victorian twink yelling at us about view and ratings? If we’re gonna bring the audience some true spookiness, we need to get with the vibes.”

“‘Get with the vibes’?” Melanie snorts. 

“Yeah! You’re the host, Melanie, you should know by now that horror is 95% vibes, 5% actual evidence!”

“So we’re just going to ignore Tim calling Elias a Victorian twink, then?” Sasha asks. 

“Come on Sasha, you have to admit, if Elias was alive during Victorian England, he would totally kill at like, upper class gay bars or whatever,” Tim says. 

“Is Elias even gay? Something about a man obsessed with money and views doesn’t exactly scream gay to me,” Melanie says, starting to walk up the hill again, making sure Tim and Sasha don’t fall behind. 

“Wow Melanie, are you saying that a gay man can’t be greedy capitalists?” Tim jokes. “How homophobic of you to think that gay people can’t be evil!”

“Tim, I’m literally a lesbian!”

“Wow, can’t believe you’d go after your own like that. Internalized homophobia’s got you real bad.”

“What Tim is  _ trying _ to say,” Sasha interjects, “is that we’re pretty sure Elias is gay. Or attracted to men, in some way. He’s mentioned a husband before, and then an ex-husband, and then another husband. Possibly a second ex husband? So, yknow, he’s probably gay.”

“Christ, how does he have the time for two marriages and divorces while crying to us about how the last video didn’t make enough money?” Melanie says. 

“I mean, it’s a classic upper middle class Brit move, isn’t it?” Tim says. “You marry someone, have a loveless marriage, have an affair with the pool boy or the gardener, marry them, and then divorce them because you come from two different worlds.”

“You honestly think that Elias Bouchard, Mr. ‘Has one-hundred-different-skin-products-and- hair-gel’, would even bother to look at a pool boy?” Melanie laughs. “He probably thinks he’ll get dirty just by being near them.”

“But,” Tim points out, “isn’t that the whole reason for the rich person falls for their domestic house worker trope? It’s the ‘oh I shouldn’t be feeling this for them, but I do!’ appeal.”

“Do you think that a pool boy would be Elias’ type, though,” Sasha says. “I don’t think he’d go for someone that looks like him. Yknow, small, pale, no meat on his bones. I think he’d go for someone tall and strong.”

“Sasha,” Tim grins, “are you saying Elias is kinky?”

“Not kinky! Just someone who’s not exactly like him.”

“God, can you imagine dealing with  _ two _ Eliases instead of one?” Melanie shudders. “I think I’d just quit instead.”

“Ugh, yeah,” Tim grimaces. His pitches his voice up a little, makes it sound more proper and prissy in a rather good impression of their boss. “Melanie, if you fight with Jon one more time, the ratings will go down, because this is absolutely a show on par with a professionally written and directed television show. Please keep this in mind, this show is the only thing I have, ever since my husband took the house in the divorce.”

Melanie and Sasha burst out laughing. “Tim, you’re ruining the vibes! How is Melanie supposed to talk about cemeteries and ghosts if she’s thinking about Elias’ messy divorce!”

“Three bucks says they divorced because they were cheating on each other with the same guy,” Melanie says. 

“Oh you’re on, King.” Tim laughs.

* * *

  
  


Martin stares at the wall in front of him, feeling like he’s going to throw up. Why did he apply to be a cameraman of all things? He has no experience, it just paid well, and now it’s all going to blow up in face because the footage with Naomi Herne is… corrupted? It’s hard to figure out what exactly went wrong, but none of the footage is usable, even he knows that. The camera was working fine before, Martin was sure of it, but somehow in the process of recording something must have gotten tangled or something because all was left was static and muffled sounds. The only sound that could really make it through were the words Evan, Lukas, and headstone. It was fine when they left the house, but now that he’s reviewed the footage at the diner, it’s all wrong and distorted! Jon is busy looking for something in the van, and he’s going to be furious with Martin when he gets back, and he’ll tell Elias and Elias will fire him and who knows what will happen after that? Martin needs this job, really needs this job, he can’t be fired. There has to be a way to fix-

“Hey, Marto!” he hears Tim call. Oh god, the rest of them were back. This isn’t good. 

“H-hey,” he squeaks. “I um, I have some bad news.”

“What, did Jon scare the woman into crying?” Melanie asks dryly, taking her seat in the booth.

“Uh, almost? It wasn’t that bad, actually, I was able to get him to… calm down, a little? The interview went okay after that, except Jon didn’t believe her of course, but that’s- heh- that’s just typical Jon behavior.” Martin rambles on. He doesn’t really want to mention the fact that Jon thought the whole thing was insensitive, even though the idea of Jon being sensitive and understanding made his stomach feel like it was twisted in knots. Except it was the fun kind of knots, like when Jon looked at him when Martin handed him tea, or when he was staring at Jon while he was reading over some research papers, face pinched in concentration. Or when Jon got into a debate with Melanie that was on the wrong side of heated and he narrowed his eyes in that particular way and-

How weird is it that Martin’s attracted to Jon when he’s angry? Does that say something about him? Something bad? Oh god, was he going to have to think about the ethical implications of his crush?

“Okay, so what’s the bad news then?” Melanie asks.

“It’s um... The recording. I’m really, really sorry, I don’t know what went wrong, but it’s all weird and staticy. None of it is really usable. I checked the camera, and it’s not broken or anything, so I have no idea what went wrong? I’m so sorry, I don’t know why it happened, I didn’t spill anything on it and it was fine while it was recording, it’s just after when it went a bit sideways.” Martin rushes the words out, as though talking faster will make everyone less angry at him. 

Melanie grabs the camera off the table. “Let Tim and Sasha look over it, then, I’m sure there’s something they can do.”

“Yeah, Martin, I’m sure it’s not lost forever,” Sasha says, and her smile makes Martin’s nerves ease just a little. 

“Yeah, and if we can’t we can always interview again. Or use the static as a spook factor,” Tim suggests. 

“What static?” Oh, fuck, Jon’s back, and he seems vey tired. This isn’t going to be good.

“Something went wrong with Martin’s camera, so we’ll look at the damage when we get back.” Sasha explains. 

Jon lets out a long sigh, sits down, and mutters something that sounds a bit like “useless arse”. Martin stares at the table, begging for the floor to open up and swallow him. 

“Let’s see the damage then,” Jon says, sounding fed up already. 

It’s the same as when Martin viewed it the first time. Granted, he didn’t watch it the entire way through, since it’s around 40 minutes long, but there’s not much to miss. It’s just the sound of static and an image of Naomi Herne talking, only her image comes in and out of focus and at times she becomes so pixelated that she doesn’t even look like the vague image of a human being. 

Tim lets out a low whistle not even a minute after the video starts. “Damn, Martin, you weren’t joking.”

“I’m sorry!” he says for what seems like the hundredth time. “I don’t know what went wrong!”

“Yeah, I’m not sure either,” Sasha says, still staring at the video. “I’ve never seen something like this before. Do ours look the same way?”

“Not sure, but it’s possible all the cameras got liquid or something spilled on them,” Melanie says. “Or just this one.”

Jon scoffs. “If that’s all it was, don’t you think that the camera would’ve had problems before?” He turns to look at Martin and Martin has never been more unprepared for Jon’s unfiltered gaze. “Are you sure there was nothing wrong with it while you were filming?”

“I- yes, I-I’m sure. I would’ve said something, yknow, went out to get another one from the van.”

Jon raises his eyebrow and wow how does Martin still find it attractive while Jon is grilling him? “And you’re sure that you’re capable enough of knowing when there’s a problem?”

That really shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. Jon’s right, really, Martin has no experience in this field. It’s more than likely his fault. Doesn’t make Martin want to run away any less, though. 

“I-I mean, probably? If-if it was like that from the start, then yeah, I would’ve-would’ve noticed it,” Martin stutters. His palms are sweaty and he’s sure his face is beet red. God, this is so embarrassing. 

“Jon, come off it,” Melanie says. “It’s clearly not his fault. If the camera was this corrupted while he was filming he would’ve noticed. Do you think he’s trying to sabotage us or something?”

“No, I’m just saying that maybe he didn’t notice.”

“Well, maybe it’s also your fault, since you were with him and you also didn’t notice anything wrong!”

“How is this my fault? How do I know that you didn’t do something to the camera to-to mess me up or something?”

“Jon, why on earth would I want to sabotage you?!”

As Jon and Melanie lose themselves in another argument, Martin finds himself oddly at peace. He still feels bad, but he’s glad that the focus is no longer on him. At least he’s used to Jon and Melanie going at each other’s throats. 

Over the table, he catches Sasha’s eye. She smiles at him and mouths, “Don’t worry”. Tim gives a thumbs up before checking over his shoulder to make sure no one else is bothered by the noise just yet.

At least he has Tim and Sasha on his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like Martin, I have no idea how cameras work, so if you work with them professionally I am very sorry! I'm like 95% sure I completely miswrote how they work!
> 
> Also it's very hard to write Jon as a jerk but alas, it must be done.

**Author's Note:**

> *Third eye opens* what if it was buzzfeed unsolved but with Melanie and Jon and they hated each other the entire time?
> 
> Heyo everyone! I'm super excited about this AU, it's the first time I've tried to write anything longer than a one-shot! I hope to update every two weeks, but I'm a college student so we'll see how that goes lmao. I hope you enjoyed reading! I'm not entirely sure how in depth I want to get with the Fears and stuff, so the rating might change once I figure out how graphic I want it to be, but don't worry I'll be sure to warn you all in the notes when that happens!


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